Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
