IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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