We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
