Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
