I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
