So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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