Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
