sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I checked into jail on foursquare
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
