Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
