i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
