there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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