All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
