Me too!
He kissed a someone with a penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
