Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
40s are totally the cure
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
