Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
