I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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