Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
