the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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