and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
