Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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