WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
