I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
