i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
