I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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