K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
