I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
