This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
