Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She is in my trunk
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
