"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
