hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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