Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
