We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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