So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
