are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
