He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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