so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
