omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
