He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
