I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
