Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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