remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
id be glad to
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
