..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
