For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
