3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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