did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
farters have to be the big spoon...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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