Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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