if you like me you must not know who I am
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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