in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
