I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
