He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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