I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's get the cat blown out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
